Hard days

This month's homeschool post brought to you by the last two weeks of chaos.

Today is one of those days where I really, really wonder about why I'm homeschooling. The problem with homeschooling is that if things aren't good at home, school isn't good either, and it often goes the other way as well. I know the mess of renovations is taking a toll, especially in conjunction with the time change, but sometimes I think there is always an excuse. When we first began it was that we were just starting, and I had a newborn baby. I do have to to admit that things were overall better the second part of that year with no major life events taking place. This second year it was I didn't get the time I needed over summer because Johann messed up his ankle the week that I was suppose to have to get organized so I never got my big alone organize time. Then it was looking for the house, and now it's having moved into a new house. So this leaves me thinking, is there always going to be something 'disrupting' normal life? If the answer is yes then I have to decide if I'll ever be able to homeschool differently than I am now. If I can't, am I happy to have things stay the same? Sometimes I just think it would be nice to feel like there is one failure that is shared, and not just mine alone. At least if Henry was in school the negatives couldn't all be completely my fault, right?

Then other times I think if I can just hold out another year and a half, Thea will be in K, and we can pay for her to have some lessons, my mom will be retired, which hopefully means we can do more field trips because I'll have help, and Leo will be old enough to participate more. Also since Grammy was a K teacher there are a lot of things she could help Thea with, and maybe while she does some literacy programs with Thea I can do some stuff with Henry, and hopefully have some things ready for Leo.

None of those things are guarantees though, so I'm finding myself today feeling like maybe we should call it quits. But then again there's no guarantee that life will continue to be as chaotic once we settle into the house either. There's also no guarantee that school will be at least as good as it was when he went to K.

So there you have it. I know we have to at least finish out the year because I don't know how we'd pay for Henry's piano lessons, and I know he would hate to lose them, as would I. I'm hoping we can regroup but the rest of this year is going to be spent thinking, praying, discussing, and hoping for an answer that doesn't leave me with a pit in my stomach or frustration in my heart.