Friday, April 15, 2011

The Birds


I am afraid of birds. Really. I don't like being near them, touching them or even looking at them for too long. My phobia isn't limited to just birds but anything of the foul class. They just plain worry and scare me.
1. They feel hollow. Hence my fear that at the slightest touch they will pop. Those things were just not created to be touched. Period.
2. They have sharp mouths that are meant to be used for pecking. Need I say more?
3. They have claws that are meant for...clawing.
4. I had three parakeets as a girl. The first one I inadvertently killed by feeding it the wrong thing. The second was really nice and I trained it to do all kinds of cool stuff within a week. Then it died too-this time NOT at my doing or misdoing. The Third was a mean little cuss and lived for years.Birds are spiteful creatures.
5.They are major carriers of major disease.
6. In Home Alone 2, why do you think they made the scary lady a BIRD lady?! Everyone knows that anyone who has an intense affinity for birds is at least a bit scary.

This brings me to the story I planned to tell all along.
Recently we discovered that birds were building a nest in our dryer duct. The opening of the duct is right by our kitchen window and attached to the cupboards over our refrigerator. Every morning for about a month now I've had the nervous displeasure of hearing them building, scratching, chirping and hearing it as though it were happening in my cupboard. Then within the past week, it got worse. They started going through the duct and I could hear them in the washer/dryer closet with their nasty little talons scraping against the metallic dryer duct. It was unnerving eating breakfast at the table then hearing that awful noise right over my shoulder. I know it sounds silly but was I was feeling completely frazzled by it. I mean-I HATE BIRDS!

Additionally my 2 year old son thought it was hilarious to taunt me with, "Mommy, hear the birdies? Do you like birdies?" To which I of course said, "NO." He responds, "Oh I love birdies mommy. Birdies, birdies!"

Well, to put an end to a post about all this ridiculousness, the complex caretakers finally came yesterday to take care of the birds. I told the main fellow how far it sounded like they had built and he told me he doubted it, blah blah. Well, sir, when they got in there I was quite right. They were building a freakin' bird metropolis in my dryer duct! They couldn't believe how much it was.

Now it is all gone and a metal basket has been placed over the opening so no more birds can get it. I, however, doubt this is the end of it between me and the birds: they keep clawing onto the basket and pecking at it then flying to the power line across from my kitchen window to ruffle their feathers, fume and stare with their beady little eyes my way. I just hope they don't organize. I don't want to end up living a Hitchcock film.

3 comments:

Bryan and Natalie said...

Wow! That movie must have been absolutely terrifying for you then!! And oh my goodness, Henry, where did he learn to taunt you like that??

Joshua and Rachel said...

The birds sounds like it would have been annoying. I am glad that the problem is sort of fixed.

Brooke Self said...

hahah you are a great writer. funny story. That would disgust and scare me too, if there were birds building homes in my home. :)