Interviewing

Johann has now had 2 interviews for a 2011-2012 school year internship. One was for Clark County which covers Henderson, NV all the way to Mesquite, NV-it's the 5th largest district in the nation. He was subsequently offered a position there. As we were considering accepting the position, a district in Escondido, Ca called to set up an interview with him. That took place Thursday and they will let him know early on in May. That is the basic run down.

The Clark County experience was really laid back and Johann enjoyed interviewing there. The Escondido experience was quite different. It is the only paid Southern California internship we've seen so they were running quite the interview factory, every 20-30 minutes a new student was being interviewed and Johann interviewed on day 2 so you can imagine just how many people are going for that position. Johann feels like he did the best he could in the interview though they seemed somewhat disinterested and he is ridiculously qualified so we will just wait and see.

Escondido is, well, Escondido. It's beautiful. It pays about 10,o00 more. It is an hour closer to family. And it's beautiful.
Henderson/Las Vegas area is where some of my extended family live. The district is huge and Johann has a lot of say about what kind of experiences he wants to have while there. He was offered the position. It's cheaper to live there than Escondido. We really enjoyed visiting there.

Hopefully Escondido will let us know very soon what their decision is. If they say they want him we'll have to pray and think about it all some more, if not, I am pretty sure that we can plan on heading to Henderson, NV come this August. It will just be so nice to know where we will be!

The Birds

I am afraid of birds. Really. I don't like being near them, touching them or even looking at them for too long. My phobia isn't limited to just birds but anything of the foul class. They just plain worry and scare me.
1. They feel hollow. Hence my fear that at the slightest touch they will pop. Those things were just not created to be touched. Period.
2. They have sharp mouths that are meant to be used for pecking. Need I say more?
3. They have claws that are meant for...clawing.
4. I had three parakeets as a girl. The first one I inadvertently killed by feeding it the wrong thing. The second was really nice and I trained it to do all kinds of cool stuff within a week. Then it died too-this time NOT at my doing or misdoing. The Third was a mean little cuss and lived for years.Birds are spiteful creatures.
5.They are major carriers of major disease.
6. In Home Alone 2, why do you think they made the scary lady a BIRD lady?! Everyone knows that anyone who has an intense affinity for birds is at least a bit scary.

This brings me to the story I planned to tell all along.
Recently we discovered that birds were building a nest in our dryer duct. The opening of the duct is right by our kitchen window and attached to the cupboards over our refrigerator. Every morning for about a month now I've had the nervous displeasure of hearing them building, scratching, chirping and hearing it as though it were happening in my cupboard. Then within the past week, it got worse. They started going through the duct and I could hear them in the washer/dryer closet with their nasty little talons scraping against the metallic dryer duct. It was unnerving eating breakfast at the table then hearing that awful noise right over my shoulder. I know it sounds silly but was I was feeling completely frazzled by it. I mean-I HATE BIRDS!

Additionally my 2 year old son thought it was hilarious to taunt me with, "Mommy, hear the birdies? Do you like birdies?" To which I of course said, "NO." He responds, "Oh I love birdies mommy. Birdies, birdies!"

Well, to put an end to a post about all this ridiculousness, the complex caretakers finally came yesterday to take care of the birds. I told the main fellow how far it sounded like they had built and he told me he doubted it, blah blah. Well, sir, when they got in there I was quite right. They were building a freakin' bird metropolis in my dryer duct! They couldn't believe how much it was.

Now it is all gone and a metal basket has been placed over the opening so no more birds can get it. I, however, doubt this is the end of it between me and the birds: they keep clawing onto the basket and pecking at it then flying to the power line across from my kitchen window to ruffle their feathers, fume and stare with their beady little eyes my way. I just hope they don't organize. I don't want to end up living a Hitchcock film.

It's time to talk

It's been a while since I've updated. I'm a little annoyed at myself but at the same time, I feel it has been excusable. We've had multiple visits as well as gone on a quick weekend trip to Las Vegas for an internship interview-more on that later.

The main reason however, I haven't had much to say is because I really haven't been sure what to say. Once all the action of the past weeks ended this weekend, I was left to process and I haven't really enjoyed it too much. It's been painful and depressing. I'm tired and don't feel right.

I've tried not to make it a secret of late that Johann and I had been trying to bring an addition to our family for 13 months. I got sick of people asking us when we were going to have kids again, if we want to have anymore kids, telling us that Henry needed a sibling and my favorite, that I would understand such and such better once I had more than just one kid. I realize none of it was meant unkindly but it just wasn't pleasant to hear when we were very conscious of those things and trying as best we could to make it happen.

After making some discoveries of what could be holding us up, I had a treatment and sure enough, March brought the news that I was pregnant. I was so grateful. Finally, finally!
I was due November 13th and November seemed perfect. If we moved for an internship, I'd be in the 2nd trimester and feeling up to it, we'd be settled long enough wherever we were that the baby wouldn't come too soon. We found out the same day we had another loss of sorts happen in our family and it felt very right and even necessary to keep our spirits up. A number of family members were also expecting within a month or two of the due date and we were so excited thinking about the little cousins and cousins once removed all being able to play together and be friends. It really felt perfect.

The sweetest thing though, was telling family and a few friends who had known about what was going on and hearing multiple times, "Oh we're so happy! We have been praying for you!" I was so touched to be remembered by them and also to see we were remembered and blessed by the Lord.

Soon after finding out though, I got nervous when I wasn't feeling very sick. I was exhausted but with Henry I was down for the count kind of sick as well as exhausted. The sight and smell of all food made me sick. I could eat almost anything this time without feeling the slightest bit ill. I told myself it was because the last time I was in school full time and working and not sleeping enough that I felt that way. Always in the back of my mind though I worried and worried. I read a lot about miscarriage. Over a bit of time through some things I can't and shouldn't exactly express, I came as close to knowing as possible that I was going to miscarry. I tried to do things to avoid it and I felt like one of those tragic Greek characters trying to avoid their fate and thereby bringing it about.

I told myself if I cleared 6 or 7 weeks I would be fine because it seemed a lot of people miscarried then. I was just about 8 weeks and then it happened. I didn't know for sure at once and I will forever be annoyed at the doctors/nurses who made me go through all kinds of tests and poking and follow-ups just for the inevitable. They kept giving these little assurances it could be this or that and not a miscarriage when I knew that they knew it was. It was pretty obvious.

I know it's their job, but I'm still annoyed. I'm annoyed they made me go to a follow-up appointment and said nothing helpful or informative about the miscarriage after waiting an hour and forty-five minutes, but only said that actually what we were told and believed was causing the infertility really isn't, in their opinion. So great. 13 more months, huh? Thanks. Way to switch the appropriate times for being cautious and optimistic. Really.

The worst part is feeling like it's never ending. Still blood tests for yet another week. I hate the smell of the tape they use over the injection site. It reminds me of the NICU when Henry was there and makes me think about how terrifying it was thinking we didn't know what was wrong with him and he could stop breathing and be no more. I don't really want that kind of reminder presently.

I don't want to be small or petty. I realize I need to be grateful just to know that it is possible for me to get pregnant again when I was at the point of almost believing it would never be. I understand and am grateful it happened much earlier on so that no operations were involved. I know there are many people who have suffered far more in losing a child and I know I should in no way think my loss as difficult to bear as theirs. I certainly do not. I just felt like it was time to talk about it.

I want to be 'right' but at the moment, with the hormone changes and lack of things I have to do, I find myself more dispirited and down than before. I am trying, but please forgive me if I'm not as sunshiny as I ought. I'll get there, but I suppose this is something I have to go through to get back to there in a more real sense, first.

I don't want to leave on a glum and faithless sounding note. I know that what I once heard spoken is true: 'Trials teach us compassion and when we can remember that, we are no longer victims.' I feel like my compassion has increased and that I feel more than intellectualize this sorrow when others express it. I'm trying to remember that a broken heart is a sacred offering and that the 'new creature' I am to become begins with such a heart. So I am grateful for the atonement and grateful and hopeful that He can heal and make me better than I would have been otherwise. He isn't late, He hasn't forgotten.

Did I mention?

Henry is now potty trained!


He has been for a little less than a month now.

We still have to have pull-ups on for naps (which he is now fighting with a fury-the naps, not the pull-ups, they have trucks so he's cool with that) and bedtime but *most* of the time, we're good. We have had a few periods of accident proneness but overall we are doing good.

His favorite part of being potty trained: peeing in the snow.

Pass!

Hooray! Johann completed the first step in the arduous task of completing his thesis: he successfully defended the prospectus for his thesis! ie-the professors on his committee are going to let him continue on to research.

Now he just has to be approved by the IRB (they make sure he isn't doing any shady or unethical research), do the research, finish the thesis, submit an article for publication and it's officially done! All down hill from here, right? =)

The practical and most important part of this news however, is that Johann can now officially apply for internships. Hopefully it won't be too terribly long until we know where we will be come June.

Nothing much

I made a goal to blog weekly and since it's a fairly easy goal, I'd like to be able to keep it.

Nothing particularly impressive or blog-worthy happened this week so instead here are some non-exciting items or antidotes:

1. Today while I was standing outside of Barnes and Noble waiting for Johann to come by and pick me up, an older lady started walking towards where I stood. I smiled and her. She came up awfully close to me (wasn't sure what was going to happen at this point) and patted me firmly on the arm about three times then said, "It's raining out there!" Won't it be great to be old some day so you can get away with that kind of thing?

2. I learned there is a school in Yuma, Arizona whose mascot is "The Criminals." This led me to wonder, "Is the reward for good behavior in the prison the opportunity to go and cheer as the mascot at the basketball/football/volleyball game? But you know, the more I thought I about it, the more I imagined the criminals probably don't appreciate being associated with middle school or high school kids either.

3. It was finally warm enough this week to spend a day at the park. It was heavenly.

4. I usually shy away from letting people know just how much I disdain anything (books, films, lectures) associated with the genre of "inspiration." This week I finally admitted somewhere outside of my own house (facebook-ha) that I disliked something everyone else considers to be *big, meaningful breath* sssoo inspirational! That's right. I hate Freedom Writers. And I don't like The Pursuit of Happyness.
I also hate their cutesy play on words in their titles.
I blame my mother for all of this. At the end of Rudy I remember her saying, "What a stupid kid. What a waste of his and everyone else's time."
In conclusion, if something has to tell me over and over again that it's inspirational, more than likely it's a bit overwrought in sentiment and reductive in thought.

5. So you don't leave this post thinking I'm completely heartless, I think Shirley Temple is cute. Come on, those curls and her little pout face are adorable. I'm almost tempted to buy one of those movies from the box-set they just advertised on tv. See, I have a heart. Or I'm easily swayed by advertising.



6. I stayed up until 3am this morning. That was ill-advised on my part.


I think we're good now.

Goals Check no.1

It's that time. Goals check time. Here we go:


1. Get more sleep: Go to bed early, get up early.

I did such a fantastic job with this for about a week. It was a glorious week really. Henry was in bed no later than 8:00pm, Johann and I were sleeping by 10:30 at the latest. I felt pretty darn good. I've been doing a horrible job lately. I get all this nervous energy at night, and it's finally quiet so I want to relax and then work while I don't have a little shadow following me. I have to buckle down and get myself to sleep, sleep, sleeeeep!

2. Keep reading: Yup, purposefully very broad.

So far this year I've read Middlemarch and then a book written by Elder Hafen called The Broken Heart.
I finished Middlemarch in January and February went by like a blur. While I haven't completed an entire book, I have continued to read, mostly from George Herbert's The Temple. Everyone, EVERYONE, I don't care if you hate poetry. Herbert is fantastic. Get into it. Now. Go.

Anywho. Middlemarch is fantastic. I love so many of the characters. I really, really love Dorthea.

The Broken Heart was also a good read. The main message is to understand the relationship between the bitter and the sweet, between experience and growth, between this life and the atonement. It's pretty repetitive but I would definitely recommend it.
Right now I'm working on The Collected Stories of Eurdora Welty which has been enjoyable and Emma.

3. Write more: Blog once a week. Go to the museum once a month and write about a particular painting or two.

Blogging. Check. Going to the museum and writing-fail. I may just pick pieces from books or past favorites. Or I may just drop this portion of my goal.

4. Read a chapter from the Book of Mormon and a conference talk daily. Read the gospel doctrine and Relief Society lessons before class.

Check. I have really enjoyed reading conference talks. Not something I have done on a daily basis for an extended period of time ever. I like it.

5. Have a date with Johann weekly: even if that means just watching a movie together at home.

I think so far, this is a check, though we have had lots of at home movie nights. =)

6. Attend the temple monthly and have family home evening weekly.

We've been doing good with having family home evening. January we had to go to the temple separately because Henry was sick and we had planned with our friends towards the end of the month. February we got to go together and it was nice. We even had lunch at the cafeteria after. My favorite part there was going to the cashier and having her heckle us into taking more saltine crackers for our soup, "The missionaries come in here and take 10 a piece! take more than what you have!!!"

7.Keep a monthly budget.

I'm pretty proud of having been diligent in recording ALL our transactions and seeing where we're spending money, where we need to cut and where more needs to go. It's been a very good thing.

8.Get rid of the weight I gained during (and after lovingly nurtured) while pregnant with Henry. I've been working on it but I need to make a very concerted effort to just kick the rest of it. Three years is long enough, though that first year I didn't sleep at all and I have a sneaking suspicion that didn't help me out much. Anyway, I have tons of excuses, now its just time to do it.

I have definitely noticed a correlation between my sleep and weight-loss. Just sayin'. Anywho, since the beginning of the year I've lost about 6lbs which I know isn't awesome for two months but I'm much more into really losing it for good by changing our lifestyle as far as eating, exercising and sleeping. I'm trying to work up my courage to give up sugar. I feel like its a good time. The only holiday coming up is Easter and I'm not really big on Easter candy anyway. So we'll see. Anyway, I have about 15-17 lbs to go. I figure if I can get there by summer that would be great. Sooner would also be great. =)

9. FINALLY take a family picture. It WILL happen this year. The end.

I'm waiting for Utah to stop being a tundra. I won't even think about it until then.



The End.

"My feet are tired, but my soul is rested"

Johann is taking a multiculturalism class right now and as February is Black History month, we've been watching the Eyes on the Prize series being shown on kbyu as one of this activities. 1. watch it. 2. I took a history of the south class my last year in school where our teacher assigned Howell Raines' My Soul is Rested: The Story of the Civil Rights Movements in the Deep South. I wanted to read it again this month to refresh my memory about all the major leaders but it looks like it's still out on loan.
I strongly recommend picking this up at some point in your life. Raines interviews several civil rights leaders as well as those who opposed civil rights, people from the white citizens' council etc. All growing up you only really hear about Martin Luther King Jr. and the marches in Alabama. Reading the interviews makes you understand how many organizations had to be coordinated (SCLC, SNCC,CORE,NAACP,LCCR), how very calculated and careful these civil rights proponents had to be, how vast the movement was and how many disagreements within and between organizations had to be overcome.
It truly changed the way I view the civil rights movement of the 1960s as well as touched my heart to read the first hand accounts. Definitely make this a book a priority.